Betty Fey

Betty Fey, n�e Florence Elizabeth Tobey, passed away peacefully in her sleep on January 3rd, 2012, surrounded by loving spirits near and far. She was preceded in death in 2009 by her loving husband of 60 years, Will Fey. She is survived by her daughter Nan, her husband Bill Cronon and their children Hilary and Jeremy; her daughter Sue and her partner Leslie Mueller; and her son David and his partner Michael Putman.

Born in Portland, Oregon on June 6, 1923, Betty was the second child of Florence and Arthur Tobey. The Tobeys enjoyed hiking on Mount St. Helens and vacationed on the rugged Oregon coast, where Betty developed a lifelong passion for the identification of birds, animals and plants. She had wonderful memories of hours spent climbing the huge cherry tree in her back yard with her best friend Mary, and the antics of the pet monkey who lived next door.

Betty studied economics and political science at Whitman College, where she participated in many social and academic clubs, and placed first in senior women's debate at an invitational meet in Los Angeles. She moved to Madison, Wisconsin to pursue a PhD in Clinical Psychology, where she met and fell for a shy fellow graduate student from Elyria, Ohio, named William Fey. Betty and Will married in 1949, bought a modest bungalow, and started a family.

While Betty practiced for a time as a child psychologist at the University Hospitals, her focus shifted during the 1960s to the civil rights movement. Betty was appointed to Madison's newly formed Equal Opportunities Commission in 1964. Her ability to facilitate tense discussions and propose constructive action steps, during the formative years of the EOC, was widely recognized and appreciated.

Betty was also the principal force behind the formation of the Dane County Youth Commission, and served as its founding Chairman. Under her guidance, the commission developed a youth assessment process that is used to this day to ground social program development and public policy in the concerns of those it serves.

Betty's passion for social justice and genuine community engagement were natural expressions of her compassionate spirit. When you spoke with Betty Fey, she listened with her whole body and soul. Her genuine interest and attentiveness left everyone who met her feeling they had truly been heard and understood. For her family, friends and colleagues, she was a trusted confidant and advisor; for her children's friends and partners, she was like a second mother. Her graciousness and effortless hospitality were unmatched. As her dear husband Will reflected, late in life, "She was the best of us."

At home, Betty was a master gardener, plumber, electrician and refinisher of anything made from wood. A few hours before she gave birth to her first child, she was sanding the floor of the addition she and Will had just built. She loved to get up before breakfast and weed her flower and vegetable gardens in the cool of the morning. She never lost her sense of wonder when spotting a pasque flower, deer or red-tailed hawk.

Dinnertime was sacred, and Betty took care to make it that way. Candles on the table, cloth napkins, and soft classical music in the background set the scene for simple, tasty meals and hours of leisurely, engaged conversation, no matter how rustic the setting. This was where we honed our skills as good listeners, critical thinkers, good companions.

Even as she was dying, Betty took good care of us. During a lucid moment a few days before she died, she awoke wide-eyed. When we asked how she was doing, she smiled broadly and said, "I'm fine. I'm getting my angel. My angel!" Then she drifted back to sleep, a gentle smile lingering on her lips. We will miss her dearly, but it's good to know she died as she lived: passionate, engaged and gracious to the end.

Friends and family will gather informally at the Lussier Family Heritage Center, 3101 Lake Farm Road in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday, February 19th, between 3:00 and 6:00 p.m., sharing stories between 4:00 and 5:00. If you wish to make a donation in Betty's memory, we know she was pleased to support the Aldo Leopold Foundation, P.O. Box 77, Baraboo, WI 53913.