Frederick Diarra

Frederick Diarra, our beloved son, died on November 10th, 2021 at the tender age of 26. He was born on October 1st 1995 and was laid to rest on November 20th at The Farley Center’s Natural Path Sanctuary, tucked in the woods, his favorite place to be. Fred was so many things to so many people and as we have mourned we have also laughed and found joy in remembering his full and beautiful life.

Fred had schizophrenia and in the last years of his life he struggled greatly to keep a foot on this Earth as we, his family, struggled greatly to get him the care and support he needed. His illness, in combination with COVID, isolated Fred but he deeply loved his friends and family and was ever dedicated to healing himself and living a thoughtful life.

Fred had a sharp mind and was incredibly witty, always ready with a one liner. Even when he was symptomatic, hearing voices, he could make you laugh out loud. He also could play a mean game of chess, right up until the end. Fred had a curious and creative mind and was always learning. One of his favorite things to do was go to a bookstore with his grandpa (and fellow Fred), who would buy him a stack of books just about every time they connected. He also loved math and in young adulthood would gather with friends and a beer to work out calculus problems together.

Fred loved the outdoors and being in nature. Probably one of his favorite places was the Porcupine Mountains where he was known on family trips to forgo shelter and hang a hammock and sleep under the stars. When he was 17 he went on a trip with FLYY (Forward Learning Youth and Young Adults) that changed him in such wonderful ways. He cherished those 3 weeks in the wilderness and became a competent and thoughtful steward of the Earth and developed a great deal of compassion and empathy, having shared that space and time with other young men who were also struggling.

Fred was a total foodie and a great cook, always willing and wanting to share his creations. I still have a piece of pumpkin pie in my freezer from our last meal together. He was so generous. Even though he could not work due to his illness and mostly shopped at a food pantry (thank you Goodman!), he’d feed you without hesitation and with great gusto. He also had a sweet tooth, every Wednesday treating himself to a piece of cake at Madison Sourdough (cause if you are going for it, you might as well go for the best).

Fred was fun and goofy and wonderful with kids. His younger siblings and cousins were always climbing all over him and he was always coming up with games and funny shenanigans to do with them,  especially his brother Finn.

Fred was generous with his time and energy and things and he is one of the few people I know who with great ease found true sympathetic joy, relishing and celebrating the wellbeing of others, even if he was suffering.

Fred had a gentle spirit and remained calm even in times of strife. He prided himself in being able to settle conflict maturely and compassionately.

But above all things, Fred was KIND. He imbued kindness. He asked for kindness from others (“I just need a little kindness today”). He carefully chose his words, thoughtful of their impact. He was known to chat with folks in the park experiencing homelessness where he listened and offered help when he could. He would help his cousin with her math homework. He would come over and without asking do the dishes or straighten up. Fred wanted the world to be kind, so he was kind.

In 2020 Fred wrote a card to his cousin who was struggling at the time. The message he sent her, I think is the message he’d want to send all of us, perhaps especially now as we tend to our broken hearts. Here are Fred’s words:

I’d like you to know that time never stands still and that things exist in a whole wide mess of different contexts, in a world full of interesting and beautiful things and within a universe that is unfathomably vast and mysterious. And as a rule, troubles and sadness and heartbreak get better with time. The world has a lot to give… Never forget you are on a space rocket flying around the sun!

Love, Fred

Fred was a light that now shines on through so many who loved him. He has a large family crossing 4 continents. He is survived by his parents, Kim Neuschel and Gaoussou Diarra; his step mom, Massan Coumaré and step-dad, Chris Dornan; his beloved siblings, Finnegan Neuschel-Dornan and Skip and Lewa Diarra; his grandparents, Sue and Fred Neuschel and Aminata Diallo; his aunt and uncle Rebecca and Brian Floyd. Fred has 2 cousins stateside - Cassie and Audrey Floyd and many other aunties and uncles and cousins abroad, too numerous to name. He was preceded in death by his great grandmother Margarite “June” Enzor and grandfather, Modibo Diarra.

It is true that a lot went wrong for Fred in his short life. As a young black man in Dane County, it is fair to say that systemic racism played a part in his untimely death. And yes, many systems failed him, but it is also important to say so many individuals did not. There were many people who worked hard and cared greatly for Fred. There were advocates and teachers and social workers and crisis workers and mental health officers and many others who tried to make the systems bend to see him and his unique individual needs. We are forever grateful to them. But we also hope that Fred’s death will leave us all even more determined to work for justice and equity and care across all systems, for all people and to offer kindness to one another (including ourselves!) as we travel through this life.

In honor of Fred, we have created Fred’s Kindness Fund. Each month, those who loved Fred will use the funds collected to offer an act of kindness in his honor. To make a donation, you can send checks to: Fred’s Kindness Fund; ℅ Open Door Zen Community, PO Box 5273, Madison, WI 53705. Please make the checks out to: “ODZC” and put Fred’s Kindness Fund in the memo line. Or you can go onto the Open Door Zen Community website and make a donation there, just make sure to add in the memo that it is for Fred’s Kindness Fund. https://opendoorzencommunity.org/donate/

If you include your email with your donation you will receive monthly updates on how the money was spent. Regardless, “never forget you are on a space rocket flying around the sun” and this mysterious beautiful life is a great gift.  Please use it well.

You are welcome to share your memories of Fred by posting on his Tribute Wall.

Cress Funeral & Cremation Service

3325 E. Washington Avenue, Madison

(608) 249-6666