Stephen P. Kilkus 1947-2024
Steve Kilkus was a really great guy who lived a pretty normal life, punctuated by lots of family time and lots of laughter. He and his wife Suzanne navigated their nearly 55-year marriage with grace, weathering the storms and savoring all the beauty, raising three witty and wildly successful children along the way.
Steve grew up in Chicago, IL, and as a young man had a love for science and the natural world. He attended St. Mary’s College in Winona, MN, studying biology. It was in Winona where he met Suzanne. They married in 1970 and moved to Ames, IA, where he earned a master’s degree in Limnology (freshwater ecosystems) from Iowa State University. The learning was not over: In 1972, the couple moved to East Lansing, MI, and started their family and Steve turned to another life-long love, medicine. While he had originally envisioned himself as “the first banjo-playing surgeon” (so says his high school yearbook), the thought of going to medical school while raising young children was too daunting, and he instead turned to nursing. After graduation from Michigan State University, the family moved back to Winona, a great place to raise kids. He was proud to be a male nurse at a time when it was an unusual career path. He eventually became a nurse educator and ran the nursing skills lab at Winona State University, earning his master’s degree in Nursing from UW-Eau Claire in 1987. In 2000, after all the kids had finally moved out, he retired from Winona State, and he and Suzanne moved to Madison, WI. His nursing career wound to a close, but he still loved connecting with the nurses who cared for him on his many healthcare journeys.
A love of music was woven throughout his life. As a teenager, Steve was a fan of rock, folk, and jazz music. A self-taught bassist, he played in a rock band in Chicago, missing his chance at stardom when he chose to go back to college in Winona instead of going on the road with the band. While at St. Mary’s, he had the esteemed privilege of meeting one of his idols, John Denver, who at that time was still with the Kingston Trio. Steve followed his entire career, trying to emulate him and other folk greats on acoustic guitar (also self-taught). With him strumming the guitar, he and Suzanne enjoyed singing together. Later in life, they fell improbably in love with the ukulele, both learning the instrument, and while they were by no means maestros, it was so charming to watch and listen to them play together after all these years.
Spirituality was an integral part of Steve’s life. Both he and Suzanne grew up Catholic in their respective homes, and as they grew and learned about themselves and their own complex lives, life experiences shifted their perspectives. After searching for answers in various places, they eventually came to Zen Buddhism, in which they found an enduring peace and a warm community of friends with Open Door Zen in Madison. Daily meditations, self-reflection, and observations of this beautiful and messy world guided Steve in his everlasting journey toward love and light.
Steve loved family time, with many memorable and fun vacations to Duluth, MN, and the north shore of Lake Michigan. He loved spending time with his grandchildren and watching them grow up. He loved Minnesota Twins baseball and Packers football and action movies (tearjerkers, too). He also loved returning to Chicago for his elementary school reunions (Immaculate Conception, 8th grade Class of 1961) and reconnecting with his classmates from his old Lithuanian neighborhood. He loved small, normal, sweet things, too: walks in the woods with loved ones; sunlight on the lake; cooking good food for himself and family; volunteering for local charities; sharing stories from his youth; asking Alexa to play his favorite songs; and laughing, lots and lots of laughing. He will be missed so much!
Following several months of living with cancer, Steve died the morning of October 9 in Madison, WI. He was surrounded by family and friends, in comfort and at peace with himself and the world. Besides Suzanne, Steve is survived by his two brothers: Peter (Lake Berryessa, CA) and Paul (Winona, MN) and their families; his children and their spouses: Monica Kilkus (Danielle Godard, Madison, WI), Jeremy Kilkus (Tracy Van Voorst, Rochester, MN), and Jenny Skrenes (Andy Skrenes, Verona, WI); four dear teenage grandchildren: Cameron and Carson Skrenes, and Amelia and Gloria Butler, and their father Jason Butler; and one very loving and precious cat, Buddy.
Steve and Suzanne recited a prayerful affirmation to end their morning mediation every day: “We will always have enough, we can let go, we are never alone, and dying will be like coming home.” WE LOVE YOU, STEVE/DAD/GRAMPA! You are now HOME!
Steve’s life will be celebrated on Saturday, November 16, at Holy Wisdom Monastery Guest House (4200 County Hwy M, Middleton, WI) at 2:00 PM. All are welcome!
In lieu of flowers, please send memorial donations on behalf of Steve Kilkus to one of his favorite charities: Wisconsin Public Television, Open Door Zen Community of Madison, or Second Harvest Foodbank of Southern Wisconsin.
(P.S. In case you were wondering, in his last days, he managed to fill out his mail-in ballot. His vote will be counted this year!)
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